A Blog Post About Absolutely Nothing

Today I wanted desperately to write a blog post.  There have been those moments when the need to write has been paramount- when the swirls of thoughts and emotions tinged with passionate conviction have been so strong yet so nebulous that I must give them form and tangibility, if for no other reason than to be able to give voice to and bring a semblance of sanity to the frantic musings of my somewhat ADD brain.  Then there have been those times when I’ve wanted to write, but without a doubt, I was motivated by insecurity that sought out affirmation as well as fleshly desires to shine.  But today was different.  I wanted to write, simply because I wanted to write.  It’s something I enjoy quite a lot.  In the words of Rainer Maria Rilke, “If, when you wake up in the morning, you can think of nothing but writing… then you are a writer.”  Now, with a somewhat ADD brain and all, I readily admit that it’s not that I think of NOTHING but writing; however, I think about it a lot.  I love words, and I love painting word pictures.  And I’m recognizing more and more how much God, just like the doting parent that he is, gushes over my art just as any parent would his or her precious child’s masterpiece.  He’s helping me to see how much he delights in watching me twirl for him (metaphorically speaking.  I was imagining a little girl in her “princess” dress twirling for her daddy.  Which, in my mind, was a beautiful and poetic way of saying that God likes it when I write.  If it didn’t come across quite as cleverly and seamlessly as I imagined, just go with it and let me live in my little delusion.  I’m feeling fragile.).  The more I see that, the more content I am with doing what I do as a love offering for a Daddy who is crazy in love with me.  And when I give something to God, he can then use it however he wishes for whatever he purposes.  “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as though you were working for the Lord and not for people.” (Colossians 3:23)  Oh, I like to pretend I might know how he’ll use a particular thing, how he might use the words I pen to speak thus and such to him or her; but the truth is, for every one thing I could imagine, there are countless others that would blow my little human mind.

So why are you troubled, oh my soul?  What is this frustration that has welled up within me?  If I’m beginning to have greater understanding that performance requiring perfection is unnecessary, that I’m “working” for one who is my biggest cheerleader and focuses on all I do right as opposed to being hyper critical, and that the onus isn’t on me to make certain my words reach exactly the right audience, shouldn’t I be feeling light and cheerful?  Enjoying my medium of expression a lot more?  I would be- if I had SOMETHING.  Something to pair with my desire.  A thing of substance.  A topic.  Any topic!  Certainly there are those days like I mentioned before, when desire is coupled with, if not surpassed by, the need to give voice to those things that seem they would cause my head and heart to burst.  And I know that I know that God will do amazing things with the words that spill forth in those moments.  But what can he do with NOTHING?  When the desire to write is almost the need in itself… When it’s as if I can’t not write, but… there’s nothing “good” about which to write.  What then?

And then it happens.  As I’m sitting in the corner of a coffee shop, writing about having nothing to write about, a song plays on the radio.  Not just any song- a Bruno Mars song.  And not just any Bruno Mars song (and quite frankly, I don’t know that many Bruno Mars songs)- the Bruno Mars song that happened to be playing on a radio station I never listen to but just happened to have turned to one day when I was feeling less than wonderful.  It’s definitely a song about the love of a man for a woman, and there may be those who would question whether God could or would use anything- gasp!- “secular” to speak truth to a heart, but the message he spoke to my heart through the lyrics of this song was as clear as day:

“I know, I know
When I compliment her she won't believe me.
And it's so, it's so
Sad to think that she don't see what I see.
But every time she asks me, ‘Do I look okay?’
I say,

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are.
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
'Cause, girl, you're amazing
Just the way you are.”

You see, I have a hard time seeing in me what God sees in me, and I constantly question his affirmation of me.  But his ever constant, ever patient, ever loving response to me is, You’re amazing just the way you are.”  And he goes on to say, “When you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile.  Because you allow me to love deeply through you, and because of that, you’re radiant.  It defies words.  It’s not what you do, but who you are.”

Suddenly, it makes so much sense to me!  I can offer my “nothing” to God just as well as I can my “substance”, and what he can do with my nothing is by no means any less than what he can do with my more.

So here’s my blog post about absolutely nothing.  And I think God loves it.