Apparently, nothing I do is
right. It’s more than likely a given
that my kids will find themselves vertical on some psychologist’s couch at some
point in their adult life because I let them cry too much, or I held them too
long, or I exposed them to too much, or I didn’t expose them to enough, or I let
them eat too much junk, or I caused them to be way too deprived. Actually, for my oldest son, it’ll probably
be my not allowing him to have a cell phone at age twelve. I’m pretty sure he already sees himself as
mortally wounded because of that one. Not
only are my kids a mess and my parenting screwed up, I don’t clean my house
properly. I didn’t know that, but
fortunately for me, I received an email today informing me of “Eight Ways You’re
Probably Cleaning Wrong”. Sigh. Who knew?
And just in case I didn’t have enough
things to check off my “Epic Fail” list, Pinterest was more than ready to step
up to the plate and help me out. Now,
don’t get me wrong. I enjoy
Pinterest. I’ve already pinned more
recipes than I could possibly make in my lifetime and an equal number of craft
projects to make one of these “Somedays”.
But there are days when looking at everyone else’s masterpieces and
maternal successes can make me feel like a great big pile of mediocre
sludge. From Elf on the Shelf to cutesy
ornaments to picture perfect holiday treats, I already knew that I’m not one of
“those” mothers. You know the type? Those women who seem to be some beautiful,
magical amalgamation of Caroline Ingalls and June Cleaver and Clair Huxtable and
Martha Stewart, with just a pinch of Xena, Princess Warrior thrown in for good
measure. Quite frankly, there are days
when I feel like my parenting probably more closely resembles The Simpsons. Probably Homer. Double sigh.
Anyway…
I had come to grips with the
fact that I wasn’t Super Santa Mom. But then
I saw something that further revealed my homemaking haplessness. A picture perfect (no pun intended)
Pinteresty idea on how to make your holiday pictures picture perfect. Wrap the outside of a large box in festive
Christmas paper and place all the trash and wrappings in the box in order to
eliminate unsightly garbage bags from ruining your holiday photos.
Ingenious!
Make a note of this. One more
thing to add to the “Not to Be a Loser Mom on Christmas” list. Oh, my poor Christmas pictures from
yesteryear! To be forever marred by
Hefty-ness! Horrors! Shame on me… WAIT A MINUTE!
To be quite clear, I am by
NO means a photographer. I am, according
to a “real” photographer I became acquainted with earlier this week, one who
causes those of her kind to cringe (i.e., I use the camera on my phone to snap
pictures). I have great respect and
admiration for those who use the medium of photography to tell stories, but my
interests are different than theirs. For
me, picture taking is not my creative outlet of choice but is a means by which I
can (attempt to) capture and preserve memories.
And I don’t care if my pictures look trashy!
But I care about what others
think of me. I want to be “in.” I want to be deemed acceptable… worthy…
desirable… choose-able. So I assess what
needs to be done to make my “trash” look attractive, losing sight of the fact
that a dressed up box of junk is still,
after all, a box of junk. And for
all my efforts, I end up looking more like a little girl who’s been playing in
her mommy’s make-up bag than I do the picture I’ve embraced of a person I’m
supposed to be who really looks nothing like me at all.
The trouble with dressing up your trash is that it
puts the focus on your trash. When I take photos of my family, whether at Christmas
or any other time, I want to capture the essence of them. And that means, in our family, there’s
sometimes chaos, quite often a mess, perhaps a Hefty bag showing; and it’s
beautiful and wonderful and amazing. When
I look at pictures like that, I don’t focus on the trash or the mess; I focus
on the faces of my loves, and my heart melts.
Maybe when God looks at me, his
focus isn’t on the trash in there, either.
That time I lost my cool and spoke in higher decibels than I like? God says, “There’s passion in there! I can work with that!” That time I crossed my arms and wouldn’t
budge until things went my way? God
says, “There’s tenacity in there! I can
work with that!” That time I stumbled
and fell to my knees in despair because it wasn’t the first time, it was about
the four millionth time?! God says, “You’re doing SO much better than
you realize! And I’m so PROUD of
you! I don’t look at you in light of all
you do wrong, but I see all you do right! You’re so beautiful to me!”
So bring on the garbage
bags. Bring on the beautifully perfect
imperfection. Snap a few trashy
pictures. I think they make God smile.
