I Like My Trashy Pictures!

Apparently, nothing I do is right.  It’s more than likely a given that my kids will find themselves vertical on some psychologist’s couch at some point in their adult life because I let them cry too much, or I held them too long, or I exposed them to too much, or I didn’t expose them to enough, or I let them eat too much junk, or I caused them to be way too deprived.  Actually, for my oldest son, it’ll probably be my not allowing him to have a cell phone at age twelve.  I’m pretty sure he already sees himself as mortally wounded because of that one.  Not only are my kids a mess and my parenting screwed up, I don’t clean my house properly.  I didn’t know that, but fortunately for me, I received an email today informing me of “Eight Ways You’re Probably Cleaning Wrong”.  Sigh.  Who knew?  And just in case I didn’t have enough things to check off my “Epic Fail” list, Pinterest was more than ready to step up to the plate and help me out.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I enjoy Pinterest.  I’ve already pinned more recipes than I could possibly make in my lifetime and an equal number of craft projects to make one of these “Somedays”.  But there are days when looking at everyone else’s masterpieces and maternal successes can make me feel like a great big pile of mediocre sludge.  From Elf on the Shelf to cutesy ornaments to picture perfect holiday treats, I already knew that I’m not one of “those” mothers.  You know the type?  Those women who seem to be some beautiful, magical amalgamation of Caroline Ingalls and June Cleaver and Clair Huxtable and Martha Stewart, with just a pinch of Xena, Princess Warrior thrown in for good measure.  Quite frankly, there are days when I feel like my parenting probably more closely resembles The Simpsons.  Probably Homer.  Double sigh.

Anyway…

I had come to grips with the fact that I wasn’t Super Santa Mom.  But then I saw something that further revealed my homemaking haplessness.  A picture perfect (no pun intended) Pinteresty idea on how to make your holiday pictures picture perfect.  Wrap the outside of a large box in festive Christmas paper and place all the trash and wrappings in the box in order to eliminate unsightly garbage bags from ruining your holiday photos.

Ingenious!  Make a note of this.  One more thing to add to the “Not to Be a Loser Mom on Christmas” list.  Oh, my poor Christmas pictures from yesteryear!  To be forever marred by Hefty-ness!  Horrors!  Shame on me… WAIT A MINUTE!

To be quite clear, I am by NO means a photographer.  I am, according to a “real” photographer I became acquainted with earlier this week, one who causes those of her kind to cringe (i.e., I use the camera on my phone to snap pictures).  I have great respect and admiration for those who use the medium of photography to tell stories, but my interests are different than theirs.  For me, picture taking is not my creative outlet of choice but is a means by which I can (attempt to) capture and preserve memories.

And I don’t care if my pictures look trashy!

But I care about what others think of me.  I want to be “in.”  I want to be deemed acceptable… worthy… desirable… choose-able.  So I assess what needs to be done to make my “trash” look attractive, losing sight of the fact that a dressed up box of junk is still, after all, a box of junk.  And for all my efforts, I end up looking more like a little girl who’s been playing in her mommy’s make-up bag than I do the picture I’ve embraced of a person I’m supposed to be who really looks nothing like me at all.

 The trouble with dressing up your trash is that it puts the focus on your trash.  When I take photos of my family, whether at Christmas or any other time, I want to capture the essence of them.  And that means, in our family, there’s sometimes chaos, quite often a mess, perhaps a Hefty bag showing; and it’s beautiful and wonderful and amazing.  When I look at pictures like that, I don’t focus on the trash or the mess; I focus on the faces of my loves, and my heart melts.  Maybe when God looks at me, his focus isn’t on the trash in there, either.  That time I lost my cool and spoke in higher decibels than I like?  God says, “There’s passion in there!  I can work with that!”  That time I crossed my arms and wouldn’t budge until things went my way?  God says, “There’s tenacity in there!  I can work with that!”  That time I stumbled and fell to my knees in despair because it wasn’t the first time, it was about the four millionth time?!  God says, “You’re doing SO much better than you realize!  And I’m so PROUD of you!  I don’t look at you in light of all you do wrong, but I see all you do right!  You’re so beautiful to me!”

So bring on the garbage bags.  Bring on the beautifully perfect imperfection.  Snap a few trashy pictures.  I think they make God smile.